Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sarah Palin




I am not quite sure what she is up to here.

I am going to recommend she stop now. How about you go back to the politics of Alaska? Please. Thank you in advance.

KFed thinks Sarah Palin is a MILF.

Link to Ignorance

iPhone 3G vs 3GS network speed test results are in!
(TOOL REVIEW: NO DIFFERENCE STUPID)


Arnold Klein



This man is about to become one of the most famous people on Earth. The speculation has already started. Claims from varied sources are starting to surface. 

Is this the real father of Michael Jackson's children?

KFed loves Off the Wall.

Lacey Schwimmer



Lacey turned 21. Apparently, she is on a bunch of dance shows.

Her wiki claims she is LDS. I recommend putting the clothes back on.

KFed loves big thighs.

Links to Ignorance

Michael Jackson's chimp Bubble's is living in Tampa Florida
(FILE UNDER: GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN)

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(FILE UNDER: I CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP)

(FILE UNDER: AWESOME)

(FILE UNDER: STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO)

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Kellie Pickler



This bitch has been allegedly dating Kid Rock for more than a year.

I would totally rip those jeans off and dive right into her American Idol.

KFed doesn't know who Kellie Pickler is.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Lindsay Lohan



Not so good. Stay with Samantha.

KFed is afraid of Samantha Ronson.

Lady GaGa



Solidifying my pure and unadulterated hate for this bitch.

Fuck you Lady GaGa.

KFed wants to know what is in the cup.

Isabel Lucas



This is the face of evil.

If you don't believe me, ask Shia about the corner of La Brea and Fountain. Ask the career of Adrian Grenier and Jared Leto. Once this bitch gets near you, it is over.

KFed wants to bang her anyway.

Redmond O'Neal



Hey Shitface, you are lucky they are letting you out to pay your last respects to your mother. You are the worst. Your mother died knowing you were in jail. Way to go. Real smart. Way to think it through.

KFed loves his mom.

Patrick Dempsey




This fucking douche has a fragrance. This isn't the sad part...

HE HAS TWO FRAGRANCES!

This world is ending before 2012. Run your credit cards up and buy shit you don't need. Go on clandestine missions. Commit illegal acts. It all won't matter. The world is ending.

KFed wonders what Patrick Dempsey smells like.

Joe Jackson


Your son dies at 50 with an alleged boatload of pills in him.

What do you do? Push your record company.

KFed wants to be on Joe's label.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Ashley Olsen



The answer is: YES

I would knock the eyeliner off of Ashley.

KFed loves the twins.

Redemption



Not so flattering bikini pictures surfaced last of Lisa Rinna. She has redeemed herself in less than a week. I am not sure how she did it. Again, 46 years old and looks like that is pretty damn good.

KFed believes her lips and breasts are younger than 46.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Heidi Fleiss



Dennis Hof owns the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. 

Heidi Fleiss is a reformed drug addict / madame. 

They are getting married. Great combo. Like peanut butter and jelly.

KFed thinks they are fucked.

Jesse Jackson



Rev. Jesse Jackson is an opportunist. 

Jesse Jackson is an admitted adulterer (illegitimate child) who shakes down corporations under the guise of diversity. Hey Jesse, leave LA and go back to New York. You referred to people of the Jewish faith as "Hymies" and New York City as "Hymietown". You racist cocksucker. Fuck you, you fucking fuck. Stop attaching yourself to the death of Michael Jackson. 

Nobody wants you here. Leave. Racist pig.


KFed doesn't know who Jesse Jackson is.

Bar Rafaeli




Bar went shopping.

What else do you need? Didn't think so.

KFed thinks her friend ruins the shot.

Blake Lively



Fucking A Blake. You are hot as hell.

KFed loves when you look like a dirty whore.

Isabel Lucas



So this bitch is in Transformers. Whatever.

This bitch was also in the truck with Shia LaDouche when he almost lost his hand. She has been seen with Adrian Grenier and Jared Leto. If you see this bitch, run. She is a dark cloud with an Australian accent.

KFed loves shrimp on the barbie.

Michael Jackson



There is no way he provided 'Jesus Juice' to minors. I don't get all the hullabaloo about this guy. He looks normal to me. He was never convicted of child molestation. He simply paid off $15 million dollars to some family to go away. That's just what I would do, hand someone $15 million dollars for no reason. Just to get them to go away.


KFed likes the album 'Off the Wall.'

Michael Jackson



1 Jackson 1 Richie 2 Hiltons

That is one fucking party right there.

KFed knows that one of the Hilton's enjoys the devils dandruff on expensive yachts.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Katie Price aka Jordan



Holy fuck, Katie!

I want to marry you.

KFed loves the tan breasts.

MTV Shifts Focus



Hopefully, Tony DiSanto gets rid of these fake bitches.


KFed sees nothing wrong with fake bitches in bikinis.

AnnaLynne McCord



I haven't decided if I want to be that ice cream cone.

Fuck it. I want to be licked by this bitch.

KFed loves Ben & Jerry's

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Chastity Bono aka Chaz



The Arizona Cardinals need some OL slots to be filled.

Interested?

KFed loves Larry Fitzgerald.

Katie Price aka Jordan



You are hot even with kids around you.

KFed is confused by the kid situation.

Kate Gosselin



What an incredible waste of breasts!

I can't wait till your fame is over. Stop exploiting those kids during the divorce. You are a bitch and I can see right through you. You are fooling nobody. Jon can't get far enough away from you.

KFed wouldn't mind banging that mother of 8.

Liz Hurley



Jesus, look at those cannons!

Looking good for your age. That is aging gracefully.

KFed doesn't know who this is but he loves the breasts.

Farrah Fawcett


This is exactly how I remember you.

I have beat off to this picture so many times. See you in another life. Maybe you will have sex with me then. 

KFed has never seen a show Farrah has been in.

Michael Jackson



Entertainment Tonight got his last picture.

I have trouble feeling bad for someone who has been accused and settled out of court for child molestation. I would never let my kids spend time with this man. 

KFed says beat it accused child molester.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Hilary Duff




You are in your early 20s. I know some 40+ year old women who have a way better body. You don't have an excuse. How about hitting the gym? Your job in life is to look good. I know you will say it is how you perform but trust me - it is how you look.

KFed doesn't mind the doughy body.

Danielle Staub



This stupid bitch has a sex tape.


KFed can't believe people are surprised when a sex tape is released.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Audrina Patridge



I love a hot chick as much as the next guy. This bitch just got her own show courtesy of Mark Burnett (Survivor, The Apprentice) that will be based on her personal and professional life. What the fuck are they going to talk about? Throw this show on HBO and make her get naked. I will put it on my Season Pass for my TiVO.


KFed is trying to imagine her titties dangling above his head.

Kristen Stewart



I don't know why I do this to myself? I know better than to look at any pictures of you. I do anyway. I can't help myself. It is like a car accident, I am going to look.

I am sorry.

KFed wants 80's leather pants to be brought back.

Katie Price aka Jordan



This is unbelievable.

If my wife shopped like this, I would be with her every step of the way. Awesome Katie! I would drill you three ways from Sunday.

I love you.

KFed loves the flip flops.

Leighton Meester




Our girl is serious about sex.

I can't wait for this one.

KFed thinks there should be better lighting.

Monday, June 22, 2009

This Just In...


Jon & Kate not so great.

Don't worry Jon, the nightmare is finally ending. You are no longer trapped by that over-the-top bitch. You are free to fuck about the country!

KFed loves the book title.

Katie Price aka Jordan



This moment brought to you by the Ibiza Department of Tourism.

When you have them, show them.

KFed is searching priceline.com right now for trips to Ibiza.

Olivia Munn



This little slice of magic is a host on the G4 Network. It is at this point that I am frantically searching for what channel on my DirecTV G4 is located. Fuck it, I am TiVO the entire G4 day. I gotta see me some of this.

KFed doesn't think you should wear sunglasses at night.

Perez Hilton



If you get punched, please don't make a 9 minute video explaining why. The long-winded video will have the viewers glazing over at the 1:30 mark. Be smart. Play the victim and shut up. Let the legal eagles sort it out. Don't cry like a pansy into a camera moments after the event. Gather your shit and then make decisions. You will prevail.

How about refraining from calling your attacker the words that you hate hearing the most?

KFed loves Will.I.am

Lady GaGa




You are not all that.

KFed hates Poker Face.

Khloe Kardasian


A small child ran by me screaming, "Mommy! Mommy! A monster is coming!" Terror was in the eyes of the child. 

I agree, a big monster is on the loose.

KFed can't believe that Kourtney isn't thinner.

Anna Faris



You went to Hawaii and eloped with this dude?

Best of luck to you in the future.

I am feeling unpatriotic right now.

KFed can't believe his eyes.

Jewel



Sign me up!

I have my jewels for you to accept.

KFed is in love.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Kelly Clarkson



This is going too far. 

You are as big as a house. Looks like your coat was made at a tent factory. How hard would it be to skip a single meal each day? Did you give up? Please for the love of God.

KFed hopes you don't mistake that mic for a hot dog.

Katie Price aka Jordan



Still in Ibiza. Still incredible.

KFed loves your accent.

Kendra Wilkinson



Not even great tits will make me like you.

NEVER.

KFed thinks there is a blue spider on your head.