Thursday, April 30, 2009

John Mayer's New Girl Speaks


John Mayer has denied having a girlfriend but that hasn’t stopped JONASstar Scheana Marie from speaking to the press about how the two met and what their current relationship status is.

Watch the must-see clip below ofScheana talking about Mayer!!!!! Must must must!!!!! If you’re too lazy,Scheana is asked if John is a good kisser. She answers, “John Mayer has. F—. (laughs) He has really nice lips.”

She also talked about how sweet Johncan be: “[I get] little messages saying like, ‘Hi, how you doing? How’s your day going?’ It’s like ‘Oooh!’ It’s the little things that makes a big difference.”

When asked what kind of cute messages or sayings John uses in his text messages, Scheanashares, “Smiley faces. Good ol’ dot dot parenthesis.”

HAS JOHN MAYER LOST HIS FUCKING MIND? CUTE TEXTS WITH SMILEY FACES MAKES ME PUKE.

KFed is beyond disgusted.

Kelly McGillis



Announced she is gay. No shit.

KFed remains hopeful.

NFL Nework and Comcast

If you have Comcast and you have the NFL Network on your subscription tier, say a little prayer tonight. At 11:59 Eastern Time tonight, Comcast will pull the plug on the NFL Network.

The NFL’s demands on Comcast to make the NFL Network a Channel For The People while maintaining an exclusive relationship with DirecTV for out-of-market games could not be more hypocritical. And with the buzz surrounding the MLB network since it went live in January, the NFL would be hard-pressed to appear more greedy. And I don’t mean High Ticket Prices Greedy, because I get that. I’m talking We’re Gonna Squeeze Every Goddamn Dollar Out Of You That We Can Instead Of Working Toward A Mutually Beneficial Middle Ground Greedy. Even prostitutes are capable of negotiating reasonable terms. But I guess this is why the NFL decided on a commissioner that’s too cheap to even buy an entire suit.

KFed hasn't watched the NFL Network in a long time.

Ali Lohan Legal?




Not a chance. 36 more months.

KFed is backing off for now

Megan Fox



Does it really matter? Didn't think so.

KFed has a ring ready to put on her finger

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bar Rafaeli



Dear God, please. Thank you.

KFed was had at hello

Expletive Use on TV

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court ruled narrowly Tuesday in favor of a government policy that threatens broadcasters with fines over the use of even a single curse word on live television, yet stopped short of deciding whether the policy violates the Constitution.

In six separate opinions totalling 69 pages, the justices signaled serious concerns about the constitutionality of the Federal Communications Commission's "fleeting expletives" policy, but called on a federal appeals court to weigh whether it violates First Amendment guarantees of free speech.

By a 5-4 vote, however, the court did throw out a ruling by the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New York. That court had found in favor of a Fox Television-led challenge to the FCC policy and had returned the case to the agency for a "reasoned analysis" of its tougher line on indecency.

The commission appealed to the Supreme Court instead.

Justice Antonin Scalia, writing for the court, said the FCC policy, adopted in 2004, is "neither arbitrary nor capricious."

The FCC changed its long-standing policy after it concluded that a one-free-expletive rule did not make sense in the context of keeping the air waves free of indecency when children are likely to be watching television.

The precipitating events were live broadcasts of awards shows in which celebrities let slip or perhaps purposely said variations of the F-word and S-word.

Under the new FCC rule, some words are so offensive that they always evoke sexual or excretory images. So-called fleeting expletives were not treated as indecent before then.

In its last major broadcast indecency case, the court ruled 31 years ago that the FCC could keep curse words off the airwaves between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m.

Justice Clarence Thomas sided with the majority Tuesday, but nevertheless noted that the previous decision and an even earlier case "were unconvincing when they were issued, and the passage of time has only increased doubt regarding their continued validity."

When the court upheld the FCC regulation in 1978, television broadcasts were the only source of images available to most Americans.

Today, the Internet, cable and satellite television are in millions of homes, yet the FCC's authority extends only to broadcast television and radio, as Thomas noted.

"For most consumers, traditional broadcast media programming is now bundled with cable or satellite services," he said.

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who dissented Tuesday along with the other three liberal justices, similarly raised constitutional concerns. Ginsburg said that in a case that turns on government restriction of spoken words, "there is no way to hide the long shadow the First Amendment casts over what the commission has done."

The nub of Tuesday's ruling was whether the FCC took a reasonable course in changing its policy and concluding that curse words referring to sex and excrement are always indecent.

Scalia, joined by his four conservative colleagues, said the FCC "could reasonably conclude that the pervasiveness of foul language, and the coarsening of public entertainment in other media" justified a stricter policy "so as to give conscientious parents a relatively safe haven for their children."

But Justice John Paul Stevens said in dissent that the FCC missed the mark in failing to distinguish how the offending words are used.

"As any golfer who has watched his partner shank a short approach knows," said Stevens, an avid golfer, "it would be absurd to accept the suggestion that the resultant four-letter word uttered on the golf course describes sex or excrement."

Stevens also noted the frequent airing of television commercials during the prime-time hours under FCC surveillance — advertisements which, for instance, ask viewers "whether they too are battling erectile dysfunction or are having trouble going to the bathroom."

Fox Television Stations, owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp., and other networks challenged the policy after the FCC singled out use of the words by Bono, Cher and Nicole Richie during awards programs that were aired in 2002 and 2003.

In each instance, a variation of the f-word was used either as a modifier — as in Bono's comment that an award was "really f---ing brilliant" — or as a metaphor, as when Cher said, "F--- 'em," to her critics.

The case is FCC v. Fox Television Stations, 07-582.

KFed fucking loves it!

The Matrix



You directed one of the most profitable trilogies in Hollywood history. 
How do you celebrate? Become a woman.

Larry Wachowski is now Lena Wachowski

DUDE WTF!

KFed just threw up in his mouth

Mel Gibson



Don't get me wrong. I would drill this into the ground if I had access. 

You are married Mel Gibson and this will cost you $450,000,000. 

No vagina on Earth is worth that money. 

None.

KFed would love seconds when you are done.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Lady GooGoo



It must be me. I don't get this bitch at all. Why?

KFed would only do her when her hair is purple.

Gretchen Rossi Losing



Nik Richie is winning. More pictures to come. Gretchen picked the wrong guy to mess with.

KFed likes the direction this is going.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

William Shatner




Director J.J. Abrams and William Shatner battled it out in a war of words after it was revealed that Shatner was not going to be a part of the new Star Trek movie, but the original Captain Kirk says it was all a joke.

Who cares what this bloated fuck thinks!

KFed will be seeing the new Star Trek this Summer.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Live viewing on decline due to DVR

Variety
04/24/09

Digital video recorders continue to make life difficult for network programmers, as more and more Americans are opting to watch their favorite shows on their own timetables.

Nielsen says DVR penetration is up to 31% of U.S. households (vs. 24% at this time a year ago), and it's at an even higher 36% among adults 18-49 (up from 29% last year). As a result, shows that skew younger tend to be recorded and played back on a higher percentage basis.

A look at seasonlong averages for all primetime programs on the broadcast networks reveals that DVR playback is most popular among those adults who watch the least amount of television (those under 35). At the same time, those who watch more TV than anybody (the 50-plus crowd) generally watch more live television.

CW's modestly performing "90210" (with a median age of 30) is the most recorded series on a percentage basis, with its audience for original episodes rising 30% from 2.24 million live to 3.35 million when all same-week DVR playback is included.

And among the higher-rated tier of primetime programs, NBC's "The Office" (median age: 35) and "Heroes" (38) plus ABC's "Lost" (41) rank the highest, all garnering 28% or more of their aud via DVRs.

The popular shows that are watched live on the widest basis are those that skew older. Leading the way here is ABC's "Dancing With the Stars" (median age: 56), whose audience is 91.5% live. Also high on the list are a quartet of CBS crime dramas ("Cold Case," "Flashpoint," "Without a Trace" and "CSI: NY"), each of which derives roughly 90% of its aud from live viewing.

One big exception to the older-folks-watch-more-live TV trend is Fox's "The Simpsons," whose audience is roughly 87% live. This is due to its longtime, accessible timeslot (Sundays at 8), and it's one of the few scripted broadcast programs to be watched in large numbers by families.

ABC reality vet "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" also falls into this category. Airing opposite "The Simpsons" on Sunday, this family fave is watched live 95% of the time.

Here are some other tidbits gleaned by looking at season-long DVR usage for original episodes:

  • In adults 18-49, the series showing the biggest ratings point jump from "live" to "live plus seven-day" are Fox's "American Idol" performance show (2.3 ratings points), ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" (2.2 points), the "Idol" results show (2.1), NBC's "The Office" (2.0) and ABC's "Lost" and Fox's "House" (both 1.9 points).

While these scripted leaders all see the biggest chunk of their growth come from playback in the six days following their broadcasts, the majority of DVR playback on "American Idol" is done the night it airs. Of the 2.3 ratings point gain for the Tuesday performance show, 1.5 comes from viewing done by 3 a.m. Wednesday (Nielsen's "same day" cutoff) and 0.8 of it comes sometime over the next six days.

A lot of this playback likely comes on a slightly delayed basis, as one of the beauties of the DVR is viewers have the ability to start a program late but then catch up to "real time" by fast-forwarding through commercials.

This makes sense because "American Idol" is one of today's few watercooler shows, and viewers can't participate in the discussion the next day if they haven't seen the performers. In other words, if NBC's Thursday lineup in the pre-DVR was "Must See (live) TV," Fox's "Idol" of 2009 is more like "Must See Sometime Before I Go to Bed" TV.

  • ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" is the clear leader in terms of 18-49 ratings points gained by playback in the six days following its broadcast. The show's firstrun episodes this season are averaging a 5.9 rating in "live plus same-day" but a 7.1 in "live plus seven- day."

This makes sense given that it airs in a very crowded timeslot (opposite "The Office" and "CSI"). Also ABC hasn't done that well on either side of "Grey's," making it less inviting for auds to watch the net's entire lineup live.

Behind "Grey's" 1.2 ratings point jump are six shows that rise by 0.9: NBC's "Heroes" and "The Office," Fox's "House" and "Fringe," ABC's "Lost" and CBS' "CSI."

  • Sports, not surprisingly, is the programming that is most watched live. NBC's "Sunday Night Football" jumps only 3% (to 16.3 million from 16 million) when all same-DVR playback is included.

  • And then there are those shows that are pretty much default TV, grabbing a decent sized aud of those flipping by on their remotes but not inspiring many to record them on their DVR.

Heading this list, due largely to airing on Saturday, are Fox's "Cops" and "America's Most Wanted" and CBS' "48 Hours Mystery," each of which garners less than 5% of its "live plus seven-day" average from DVR playback.

Real World: Brooklyn




Life after Real World can be profitable. See Scott (above):

KFed would never use a Snuggie in his life.

Katy Perry






Does this bitch sing? I couldn't care less about it.

KFed enjoys banging pop tarts.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

GE Stockholders (NBC) Meeting Out of Control



Media bias called out at the stockholders meeting.

KFed is confused.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dog the Bounty Hunter



Colorado Springs police officers are searching for a fugitive who they say took a shot at a bounty hunter and a bail bondsman Tuesday night.

According to police , at 7:15 p.m. bounty hunter Duane "Dog" Chapman and bail bondsman Bobby Brown were trying to catch 35-year-old Hoang Nguyen, who has had his bond revoked. They found Nguyen at the Galley Apartments at 3617 E. Uintah St. 

According to police, Nguyen fired at least one shot from a handgun and then fled on a motorcycle. No one was injured. 

Police Sgt. Chris Newton said that Nguyen had a couple of warrants for his arrest, but she said she did not know on what charges.

Chapman is a television personality who has a reality show on A&E that sometimes films in Colorado Springs, and his camera crew was at the scene with him, Newton said. 

The crew told police that they had not taped the shooting. Chapman and Brown frequently team up as bounty hunters. In the television show, Brown helps find fugitives in about a third of the episodes.


KFed can't believe some asshole would shoot at the Dog.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Dissecting Gretchen Rossi



Having a nice time while your fiancee is dying of cancer in the hospital.

GREAT TIMES!




More toilet humor on another day but eating this time. I am sure I can't get hard for this bitch because of these pictures.



Turns out the ring she flaunted on the show was CZ. It covered up the tattoo of some ass clown's name that is on her finger. Dead Jeff bought her a ring that was never paid for via credit. Upon the guy's death, they came to collect the ring but have yet to get it from her. I can't wait till this bitch's 15 minutes are completely up. Tick tick tick...

KFed is on the fence with this whore.

Spencer and Heidi Nuptials



The Westminster Presbyterian Church in Pasadena, California, where The Hills stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will officially tie the knot this weekend. The couple will marry in a romantic sunset service this coming Saturday.

This will be a fucking Gong Show! I wish I was going but I did not get an invite.

KFed would do Heidi but would fear Spencer recording it for a 'sex tape'.

Lindsay Lohan in Peepshow



Lindsay Lohan in Talks to Star in a Topless Las Vegas Strip Show

Word on the street for quite some time has been that newly-single Lindsay Lohan is strapped for cash and unemployed, but it looks as though the 22-year-old may have finally found her forte: starring in a topless show in Sin City.

OK, I want to be clear about this... I want to bang the lights out of this girl. I don't care about her baggage. I can only assume we would have little or no conversation at all. She comes off a little nuts and her small tattoo (an indication of incredible sex) seals the deal. I want to shoot a load of my Elmer's Glue right in her face. I can't imagine life getting any better.

KFed does not like her natural hair color of red or her freckles. He would fuck her in candlelight. 

Kelly Brook



Measurements: 32E-24-35

One of her first modeling job was for a then mail order lingerie company called Bravissimo in UK. The company specializes in selling bras of large cup sizes.

Oh yeah, this chick is an actress. I am sure she is Oscar-worthy no matter what she is in. I am watching.

KFed enjoys her breasts. He hasn't looked beyond them at this point.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Gretchen Rossi




You started a battle with a blogger. Expect the worst.

The Dirty 2 Gretchen Rossi 0

KFed would still do you because you are hot.

Kim Kardashian



I just don't understand the fascination with Kim Kardashian.

Have you people lost your damned minds?

KFed disagrees. He loves him some big ass.

Powder Blue


I don't care what the plot of this movie is about. This is going to win awards with me.
Jessica Biel is the best actress I have never heard in my life.

KFed has just put Jessica Biel on his 'must do' list.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Susan Boyle



You blow everyone away with your singing on Britain's Got Talent.

How about a bra?

KFed is hiding his eyes in disbelief.

Age



When my wife gets older can she look like this?

KFed is completely on-board

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Less Than Zero



If the sequel is a tenth of the original it will be incredible. One of my favorite movies of all time.

Driving the classic Corvette through the wind fields of Palm Springs is an image I see to this day.

KFed thinks this movie is a classic. KFed demands a sequel.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz



The munchkins knew how to party. They were locked up at the Culver Hotel most of the filming of the Wizard of Oz. They made the best of it. Wild times with little guys!

KFed would have partied with these guys. KFed approves.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Esquire: What is a Man?

Gretchen Rossi of Real Housewives




You are a golddigging whore who tried and failed at taking an old man's money.

He died of cancer before you could rush him down the aisle.

You are a stupid slut.

KFed would still bang you but he needed you to take Old Man River's cash.

Seeking YouTube Fame



I can only hope these 2 fucks eat a mouth full of broken glass.

You wanted to be famous and now you are.

KFed wants to have a talk with you and it won't be a good one.

Twitter Hates You Too



You must hate your fans who are using the social networking sites.

Alienate your bread and butter.

KFed is disgusted with you.

Oksana Kolesnikova or Oksana Pochepa






Which one broke up Mel Gibson's marriage?

Two Russian whores.

KFed doesn't look twice at you. Show him cash and he will look.

Monday, April 13, 2009

$900,000,000 Divorce



Mr. Religion why are you getting a divorce?
Why are you pictured in Costa Rica with another woman?
Why do you hate the Jews?
$900,000,000

KFed says don't get a divorce unless YOU get money from it.

Who is this?


Identify this upskirt shot.

Hint: she is no longer relevant and her sister barely hangs on to fame because of who she married.

KFed would do the skinny version of this chick. She plumped up recently so he may DENY.

Phil Who?


LOS ANGELES (AP) — Rock music producer Phil Spector was convicted Monday of second-degree murder in the shooting death of a film actress at his mansion six years ago, a verdict that will send him to prison for at least 18 years barring a successful appeal.

A Superior Court jury returned the verdict after about 30 hours of deliberations. The jury had the option of choosing the lesser charge of involuntary manslaughter, but did not do so.

The panel also found Spector guilty of using a firearm in committing a crime.

Spector exhibited no reaction to the verdict. His attorney argued that he should remain free on bail pending the May 29 sentencing, but Judge Larry Paul Fidler remanded him to jail immediately.


KFed has no clue.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Punk or Not

























Benji you are not punk. Stop now.

KFed laughs at you. He knows Samantha likes muff.













Saturday, April 11, 2009

Good Friday or Girls Gone Wild




I will pick the GGW. That is the definition of Good Friday!

KFed approves.

Criss Angel


80's glam gone completely wrong starring the world's largest douche.

CRISS ANGEL

KFed is disgusted with the idea of Criss Angel doing anything.



Friday, April 10, 2009

Actor Turned Musician

Billy Bob Thornton acted like a dick when a Canadian DJ asked him about his acting career.

Billy Bob wants to be known as a MUSICIAN.


Hey fuckface, you are lucky I didn't interview you. I only give a fuck about Angelina and how she looked naked.

KFed is not happy. He would have answered all the questions in the interview AND he would still be fucking Angelina.

The Road to Area 51

Very cool things go on in the desert.


Our government would rather you know none of it. 

Dutch TV and Osama bin Laden

I can only hope that Osama pays a visit to the Netherlands.


I can't wait for that cocksucker Osama bin Laden to visit Amsterdam and fuck shit up. 

See if he is still considered innocent.

FUCK YOU NETHERLANDS!

KFed will not be visiting your country. He doesn't care how good the weed is. KFed is angry.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Gary Busey





















Gary Busey is doing great. Groupies flock to him.

KFed disagrees. KFed wouldn't let these groupies blow him.























Dodging Cancer

If you beat cancer one time, you are a world champion. Cancer of any type is a formidable opponent. It will beat you down and force you to stay down. Lights out.


Christina Applegate you will not win twice. I am putting you on my deadpool. 

KFed is upset. Hot chicks (at one time) should not die of cancer.

Stop smoking before cancer smokes you. Prepare for a fucking by Mr. Cancer.

Mila Kunis

This bitch is hot under any circumstance. Ben Affleck can't ruin this for me.

Mike Judge is beyond his years.

KFed would have knocked her up.

Michael Phelps

Apparently a great person to party with. He did superhuman things in front of global audience.


When you lose sponsors that end up costing you MILLIONS, my recommendation is to lock yourself up in a hotel room. If you have to have your bitch around then invite her ass up. Get room service and don't leave the room for a while.

Michael Phelps did not get my memo.

KFed would be sickened at Michael Phelps behavior. To leave money on the table or worse yet, give it back! Unheard of in the world of KFed.


Celebrity Sex Addicts

Is this redundant?


This has been turned into a show. If you flip it and show them getting it on it will make my Season Pass on TiVO.

KFed has no concept of this.

Countess in Crisis

You don't have to work. Your job is to smoke the Count's pole and you couldn't do that right. Now he found some Ethiopian bitch who is willing to do the heavy lifting. You wonder why he left you...


Cry me a river. Stop calling yourself a Countess. You have been dethroned. Peace.

If KFed had his hands on you it would be much worse.

Vegas Baby Vegas

A 9 billion dollar project has bankruptcy looming. I would say NOW is a good time to get a deal in Las Vegas. 


Soak up the sun while you still can and help the economy in return. 

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Reality TV

The entire thought process behind reality TV is to crank out bad television as cheaply as possible. Watching countless hours of mind-numbing television can be beneficial to one's mental health. Proves people exist on a level that is below you. Skip your therapy session and find your remote. You will feel a lot better about yourself by watching the destruction of others in HD.


Clear space on your TiVO because Dog the Bounty Hunter is coming in fast.

K-Fed Returns

Kevin Federline is called a lot of things but stupid should not be one of them. 

After taking money from this crazy bitch, he now calls upon her as a booty call.


You are a God among mortals Kevin.

Outlet for the Stupid

Alas, a place for the ignorant. Created by ignorance for the ignorant. Digesting all things for those who can't. 

The journey begins now...